Finding Peace
I’m getting into the writing habit. I am behaving like a writer. I am sitting here at these blog entries, not sure if I’m going to choose something that I specifically write about or if, for now, I’m just going to write. I have had one viewer, and from my story stats, it looks like they read for less than a second. But I don’t care; that half-second graze over my portfolio excited me so much I want to write again, even if only for that one person, to captivate them for a whole minute next time.
So far, my posts have been about breaking away from imposter syndrome, finding your voice, and a true reflection on the constant brigade of thoughts marching around my head. If they’re on here, they are no longer banging on the drums and echoing in the space between my ears, and somebody else might be feeling the same way. Another blip in the Medium Universe without a clue on where to start or how to attract an audience will see my raw, candid approach to this whole thing and hopefully feel some comfort.
This will be my fifth post. And today, it’s about trusting the process, the plan, the place you are in presently when you have little to no evidence that what you want for yourself will work out. And how trust and peace are sisters.
I’m a spiritual person, meaning I believe in a higher power, the universe, the fabric of what we are all born from and returned to. I don’t think there is a single ethereal entity floating in a ball of light above us demanding cookie-cutter faith and that we abide by some ancient rules. I don’t believe in organized religion mainly because I don’t believe that anything that is built upon the collective pain of so many people should have so much power. I am an Indigenous Canadian, Metis. Though, I rarely say that out loud because I feel shameful claiming that identity. Some people are woven into the fabric of that culture of spirit, collaboration and peace and have endured traumas because of their otherness that I have never been subjected to in the name of being Indigenous. I only found out a decade ago.
But, I do recognize it as a significant part of my heritage, and I will never not feel pride in the sacrifices my grandmother and grandfather from six generations back made so that I could continue their legacy. My core values are the part of my Metis background that shines the brightest. I believe in working together to achieve peace and that without finding and promoting peace in your individual choices, then the former is not possible.
So, here I am, every day, on a mission to achieve peace and the feeling I have about success in that mission changes constantly. I don’t think there is a finish line. There is no red ribbon you cross and scream, “I did it, I’m peaceful.”
Instead, it’s a constant effort, a choice you make with every action, thought and word. A choice to do the thing that will bring you the most profound peace, and the tricky part is, sometimes, that choice isn’t peaceful at all. My biggest obstacle is setting boundaries to heal from the pains I have endured at the hands of others. The hurdles are every time I forge my own path, no matter how dark and dreary it may seem, because there is light, or maybe another fork, another choice, but that seems better than a dead end.
What started as a New Year’s resolution has evolved into a lifelong pursuit where the wins are shifts in my mindset, behaviour and relationships. I find peace when I catch myself in unhealthy thoughts or patterns, like when I feel guilty for saying no. Or when I convince myself, I shouldn’t write.
There is no answer to “find peace.” You can find it every day if you dare to look. I think writing here, trusting that my thoughts hold value in this space, will bring me peace. And today, my one reader brought me peace. Thank you.
